You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
