the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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