She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
