You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
