you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
