I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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