Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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