Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
