I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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