so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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