I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
