i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
