What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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