no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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