just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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