You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
