I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
