if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think i have herpe
just one?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
