i just google imaged poop.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
