i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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