HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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