don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
