What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
