About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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