There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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