yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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