I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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