Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
