look no pants
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
