I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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