Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
