May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
