I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
