My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
