Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
