So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
