I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
