Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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