I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
