Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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