I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
