The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
