Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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