Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
