I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
