What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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