I just threw up on my dentist
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Come on in and take your pants off
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