I just saw a hot homeless man
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
