He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
