I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
