32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
