I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
