Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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