I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
