Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
