PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
