Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
