i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
