It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
