Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
