I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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